If you’re single, you will “die alone.” You’ve probably heard that message, either directly or through the media. Maybe you’ve conjured up the image yourself: dying alone in a sterile hospital room, lonely and unloved, or dying alone in your apartment, days passing before anyone discovers your body. Oh, the shame, the post-mortem shame. Years ago, I was on an online forum. I said that I wasn’t interested in getting married or having kids. Knowing…
Everyone knows the importance of believing in your ability to achieve goals and persisting despite adversity. Let’s take that for granted. I want to talk about the flip side — about the times when it is best to give up. Sometimes, the wisest course is to drop a goal, walk away, and invest your energy elsewhere. Specifically, let’s talk about the times when it might be best to give up on relationships – not any…
The more seriously you dedicate yourself to personal growth, the less likely you will find yourself in a good romantic relationship. I’ll explain why, but first let me clarify what I’m talking about. By “personal growth” or “self-development,” I am referring to psychological, intellectual, and spiritual learning and growth. I’m not talking about building a career or muscles. I’m talking about internal development. Secondly, I’m speaking about people who are seriously dedicated to…
If you want to live a contented life as a bachelor, here are six essential ingredients. Like essential nutrients, if you lack any, your singlehood will not be as happy as it might be. I speak from experience. I have lacked in each area, labored in each area, and seen the benefits in each area. Some of these “essentials” apply to the coupled, too, but all of them have special significance for the single. I’ll…
Dogs are better than women. Cats are better than men. Or flip the genders and insert your mammal of choice — cats, horses, rabbits, ferrets, pigs, monkeys, whatever. I will talk about dogs, because it’s what I know. Most of what I say will apply to other pets, too. Since I’m a guy, I’ll be talking about how dogs are better than female romantic partners. If you’re a woman reading this, just substitute men, and…
A romantic partner will complete your life — so we are told in a hundred ways, implicit and explicit. Even if we recognize the foolishness of this belief, it can still pester us, because the conditioning is so pervasive and persistent. So, let’s spend a few minutes deprogramming. First, where does this belief come from? Well, as usual, from nature and nurture. First the nature, then the nuture… Nature We are the products of a…
Sex is overrated and overhyped. I understand why. It is wired into us at a basic level. None of us would be here without it. Nature prioritizes sex over everything except survival, and sometimes even survival is a casualty of sexual desire. Sex is undeniably important. Spiritual mythologies have been founded on it, not to mention tens of thousands of companies. Trillions of dollars flow into sex-based industries, whose combined income would dwarf the GDP…
Have you ever wondered, “Does an LTR (a long-term romantic relationship) support my core values? Does it support what matters most to me in life, or does it undermine it?” It’s a good question to ask. You want, I assume, to pursue things that are consistent with your deepest values and avoid the things that aren’t. I’d like to share with you a simple process for determining whether an LTR serves your core values or…
If you’ve been living the bachelor life for as long as I have, it’s easy to take the freedom for granted. I thought it might help to remind us all of those freedoms. Doing so might enable us to better appreciate those freedoms and maybe even utilize them better. I’ll divide the discussion into “freedoms from” and “freedoms to.” Freedoms From Bachelors enjoy freedom from a long list of constraints, stresses, and problems that weigh…
Most people want to be in a good, healthy, long-term romantic relationship (LTR). I get it. I see the appeal. I’ve been in relationships like that, and I’ve enjoyed them — for a time. But a decade ago, I decided that I didn’t want to be a part of them anymore – not because I was “hurt,” not because something terrible happened, but because it didn’t seem worth the tradeoff. In the abstract, I want…