Everyone knows the importance of believing in your ability to achieve goals and persisting despite adversity. Let’s take that for granted. I want to talk about the flip side — about the times when it is best to give up. Sometimes, the wisest course is to drop a goal, walk away, and invest your energy elsewhere. Specifically, let’s talk about the times when it might be best to give up on relationships – not any…
The more seriously you dedicate yourself to personal growth, the less likely you will find yourself in a good romantic relationship. I’ll explain why, but first let me clarify what I’m talking about. By “personal growth” or “self-development,” I am referring to psychological, intellectual, and spiritual learning and growth. I’m not talking about building a career or muscles. I’m talking about internal development. Secondly, I’m speaking about people who are seriously dedicated to…
Dogs are better than women. Cats are better than men. Or flip the genders and insert your mammal of choice — cats, horses, rabbits, ferrets, pigs, monkeys, whatever. I will talk about dogs, because it’s what I know. Most of what I say will apply to other pets, too. Since I’m a guy, I’ll be talking about how dogs are better than female romantic partners. If you’re a woman reading this, just substitute men, and…
Sex is overrated and overhyped. I understand why. It is wired into us at a basic level. None of us would be here without it. Nature prioritizes sex over everything except survival, and sometimes even survival is a casualty of sexual desire. Sex is undeniably important. Spiritual mythologies have been founded on it, not to mention tens of thousands of companies. Trillions of dollars flow into sex-based industries, whose combined income would dwarf the GDP…
Have you ever wondered, “Does an LTR (a long-term romantic relationship) support my core values? Does it support what matters most to me in life, or does it undermine it?” It’s a good question to ask. You want, I assume, to pursue things that are consistent with your deepest values and avoid the things that aren’t. I’d like to share with you a simple process for determining whether an LTR serves your core values or…
If you’ve been living the bachelor life for as long as I have, it’s easy to take the freedom for granted. I thought it might help to remind us all of those freedoms. Doing so might enable us to better appreciate those freedoms and maybe even utilize them better. I’ll divide the discussion into “freedoms from” and “freedoms to.” Freedoms From Bachelors enjoy freedom from a long list of constraints, stresses, and problems that weigh…
Most people want to be in a good, healthy, long-term romantic relationship (LTR). I get it. I see the appeal. I’ve been in relationships like that, and I’ve enjoyed them — for a time. But a decade ago, I decided that I didn’t want to be a part of them anymore – not because I was “hurt,” not because something terrible happened, but because it didn’t seem worth the tradeoff. In the abstract, I want…
I’ve made many blunders with women, but here is the mother of all blunders — the blunder from which many other blunders flowed, like bad water from a tainted well: I idealized relationships. I saw them as magical and transformative. I had way too high an estimate of what they could offer. I expected way too much of them (and by extension, of myself). I was trapped in a cultural mythology which paints romantic relationships…
I’m getting ready to move from one state to another, and as I do, I realize how much easier it is, when you’re single. I won’t take too long with this, but I want to run through three ways that being a bachelor makes relocation easier and more enjoyable. I’m sure there are some disadvantages to moving solo (e.g., some might find it more challenging or lonely, although I don’t). I will leave that for…
Many men blunder naively into marriage. They are like greenhorn recruits, wandering blindfolded through a minefield, whistling a happy tune. I need to cover the basics, and it doesn’t any more basic than this: do not get married. Here are 13 reasons. I could name more, but I figured I’d stop at lucky 13. 1. Lethality I try to keep things light, but this one isn’t even remotely funny. After a divorce, men kill…