I’ve made many blunders with women, but here is the mother of all blunders — the blunder from which many other blunders flowed, like bad water from a tainted well: I idealized relationships. I saw them as magical and transformative. I had way too high an estimate of what they could offer. I expected way too much of them (and by extension, of myself). I was trapped in a cultural mythology which paints romantic relationships…
I’m getting ready to move from one state to another, and as I do, I realize how much easier it is, when you’re single. I won’t take too long with this, but I want to run through three ways that being a bachelor makes relocation easier and more enjoyable. I’m sure there are some disadvantages to moving solo (e.g., some might find it more challenging or lonely, although I don’t). I will leave that for…
Many men blunder naively into marriage. They are like greenhorn recruits, wandering blindfolded through a minefield, whistling a happy tune. I need to cover the basics, and it doesn’t any more basic than this: do not get married. Here are 13 reasons. I could name more, but I figured I’d stop at lucky 13. 1. Lethality I try to keep things light, but this one isn’t even remotely funny. After a divorce, men kill…
If you want to get somewhere, you need to deal with the obstacles on the path. Bachelor-shaming is one of the obstacles. It can undermine your ability to live happy and contented bachelor life. It’s worth taking some time to uproot. Shaming attacks rarely come directly, in person. Although occasionally you’ll get some grief from a dipshit online, most of it comes from the surrounding culture – media, Hollywood, etc. It’s a virus in the…
Oh, you’re single and not pursuing in relationships? Congratulations, you’re a loser. If you haven’t been shamed for being a bachelor yet, just wait. It will happen. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it will happen. And the longer you live this way, the more of it you will encounter. We can shrug off most of it, but let’s not underestimate the enemy. Shame kills people every day, and many of those it doesn’t…
If you are trying to live a happy, contented life as a bachelor, you have an enemy, and the enemy is inside. Actually, there are about a dozen of them. I’m talking about a set of destructive, interlocking negative beliefs about the alleged perils of bachelorhood. These beliefs can ruin your chances of having a good, satisfying bachelor life. They can leave you stuck, feeling sad, remorseful, envious, shamed, or uncertain. Here are some examples. …
Psychological independence is a cornerstone of a good single life, but we don’t hear much about it. Oh, we get memes, one-liners, and slogans – be yourself, chart your own course, go your own way, maintain frame, be your own mental point of origin, etc. But that’s about as far as it goes. There is very little in-depth discussion of independence – what it is, where it comes from, how to develop it. That is…
Welcome to the blog. I’d like to introduce myself, then say a few words about the blog. Who Is This Guy, Anyway? I’m a 59-year-old man who prefers the bachelor life. Although I’ve been married and had maybe a dozen girlfriends, I’ve spent probably 80% of my adult life single, and I like it that way. I love the freedom, the spaciousness, the peace, the learning opportunities, and the ability to chart my own course…