First, The Self
Now I’d like to turn to the topic of building self-esteem. After all, if self-esteem is such an essential ingredient of a contented bachelor life, we’d better know something about how to get it.
Inner Work
Tag: bachelor
Inner Work
Why Self-Esteem is Essential for Bachelors
The bachelor life isn’t for everyone. In some ways, it’s a hard road. It comes at a price. That is what this article is about: the costs of traveling this toll road, and how self-esteem can help defray those costs. More broadly, I want to lay out the case that self-esteem is essential for bachelor contentment. Before we get to the bachelors, though, let’s appreciate the importance of self-esteem in general, for everyone. Self-esteem (or…
Inner Work
Self-Esteem for Bachelors: Introduction
If you want to live a happy, contented life as a bachelor, there is no more essential internal ingredient than good self-esteem. Conversely, if you lack self-esteem, your bachelor road will be rutted and difficult. It is worth spending some time thinking about and developing this quality. Over the next several articles, I want to lay out the following: What self-esteem is and isn’t, and how you can distinguish the genuine article from the…
Walking Away
Freedom of Movement
I’m getting ready to move from one state to another, and as I do, I realize how much easier it is, when you’re single. I won’t take too long with this, but I want to run through three ways that being a bachelor makes relocation easier and more enjoyable. I’m sure there are some disadvantages to moving solo (e.g., some might find it more challenging or lonely, although I don’t). I will leave that for…
Walking Away
Do Not Get Married
Many men blunder naively into marriage. They are like greenhorn recruits, wandering blindfolded through a minefield, whistling a happy tune. I need to cover the basics, and it doesn’t any more basic than this: do not get married. Here are 13 reasons. I could name more, but I figured I’d stop at lucky 13. 1. Lethality I try to keep things light, but this one isn’t even remotely funny. After a divorce, men kill…
Stumbling Blocks
Shame Busting, Part II
If you want to get somewhere, you need to deal with the obstacles on the path. Bachelor-shaming is one of the obstacles. It can undermine your ability to live happy and contented bachelor life. It’s worth taking some time to uproot. Shaming attacks rarely come directly, in person. Although occasionally you’ll get some grief from a dipshit online, most of it comes from the surrounding culture – media, Hollywood, etc. It’s a virus in the…
Stumbling Blocks
Shame Busting, Part I
Oh, you’re single and not pursuing in relationships? Congratulations, you’re a loser. If you haven’t been shamed for being a bachelor yet, just wait. It will happen. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it will happen. And the longer you live this way, the more of it you will encounter. We can shrug off most of it, but let’s not underestimate the enemy. Shame kills people every day, and many of those it doesn’t…
Stumbling Blocks
FOMO on Love
If you are trying to live a happy, contented life as a bachelor, you have an enemy, and the enemy is inside. Actually, there are about a dozen of them. I’m talking about a set of destructive, interlocking negative beliefs about the alleged perils of bachelorhood. These beliefs can ruin your chances of having a good, satisfying bachelor life. They can leave you stuck, feeling sad, remorseful, envious, shamed, or uncertain. Here are some examples. …
Inner Work
Independence
Psychological independence is a cornerstone of a good single life, but we don’t hear much about it. Oh, we get memes, one-liners, and slogans – be yourself, chart your own course, go your own way, maintain frame, be your own mental point of origin, etc. But that’s about as far as it goes. There is very little in-depth discussion of independence – what it is, where it comes from, how to develop it. That is…
Overview
Introduction
Welcome to the blog. I’d like to introduce myself, then say a few words about the blog. Who Is This Guy, Anyway? I’m a 59-year-old man who prefers the bachelor life. Although I’ve been married and had maybe a dozen girlfriends, I’ve spent probably 80% of my adult life single, and I like it that way. I love the freedom, the spaciousness, the peace, the learning opportunities, and the ability to chart my own course…