I’m getting ready to move from one state to another, and as I do, I realize how much easier it is, when you’re single. I won’t take too long with this, but I want to run through three ways that being a bachelor makes relocation easier and more enjoyable.
I’m sure there are some disadvantages to moving solo (e.g., some might find it more challenging or lonely, although I don’t). I will leave that for others to articulate, but my intention is to highlight the advantages.
Here are three ways that being a single man makes pulling up stakes a lot simpler, easier, and more satisfying.
1. You Choose Where You Move
A simple observation: if you’re the only one in charge of the decision-making process, that means you get to decide exactly where you want to land – what city, what state, what neighborhood (even what country).
Selecting that spot, at least for me, was a long, complex process. I spent years reflecting on what mattered, analyzing hundreds of possibilities and dozens of variables, compiling data, making pro vs. con lists… It took a while.
It would have been enormously more complicated, if I had to take another person’s tastes and preferences into account. All of this would have to be discussed, negotiated, worked through. Not only would it have been much more complicated, it also would have been less satisfying – because inevitably, I would have to compromise my values and preferences in order to accommodate hers.
Being single, though, I can select country, state, city, and neighborhood based entirely on what I like and want. The decision-making process is much simpler and easier. It is also more satisfying, because when I am free to please myself, that is more likely to be the result.
2. You Pick the House
Another simple observation: if you are single, you are the one picking out the house. You decide what matters and what doesn’t.
For example, I like a good backyard. I don’t want the inside feeling run down, but I don’t need it feeling lavish, either. I feel uncomfortable in houses that are too fancy pants, whose lawns are too manicured and immaculate. I like an average looking house — not something with “snob appeal,” designed to impress the neighbors. I like a house surrounded by established nature – trees that have been there longer than the people have – rather than new construction in an area that was clear-cut a few years ago.
Among married couples, the wife typically makes the final call about what house is purchased. If you don’t believe me, just watch some TV shows about home-buying. The husband is along for the ride but sitting figuratively in the back seat. The realtor, who knows how this works, pitches primarily to the wife.
But I’m single, so the decision is entirely mine. I don’t have to worry about “happy wife, happy life.” I don’t have to compromise my tastes, desires, or preferences at all. I can pick exactly the type of house that makes me feel comfortable, that fits me. I don’t have to talk it over with anyone but myself.
That makes the decision much simpler, and it gives me a better chance of being happy with the house.
It’s Cheaper
I’ll descend into stereotypes for a minute, but I don’t think it’s too controversial to say that women generally have more expensive tastes in houses and furnishings than men do.
A brief story. I have a friend who is approaching 80. He’s still plugging away at work, unable to retire. In part, that is because he has a big home mortgage he is still trying to pay off.
About 7 years ago, my friend made an attempt to “downsize.” His plan was to reduce his mortgage by moving to a smaller, less expensive home. That did not go according to plan.
He ended up with a larger and more expensive house, and a bigger mortgage. What happened? Well, in part, it was his own choices. In part, it was his wife’s expensive tastes. She wanted the nicest furnishings, the fancy fixtures, extra storage space, additional rooms. All that drove the costs up, until the “downsizing” became an upsizing.
And so my friend is stuck at work, nearing 80, unable to retire, and still trying to pay off his home mortgage. His wife gets a new car every 5 years, and he gets the hand-me-down. You get the picture. He is a traditional, conservative man who sees the role of a “good man” to be a provider who sacrifices himself for the sake of his wife and children.
This is not just my characterization of him; he has said so much himself. For instance, once he told me, looking very tired, that “I feel like a mule who gets up everyday to pull the cart.” When he was thinking about downsizing, I would find him browsing the internet for small homes. He told me that if it were up to him, he’d be happy living in a small, modest house, but since he is married, he cannot. Another time, he told me sadly that “I never get to do what I want to do.”
In any event, being a bachelor means that you save money, and with that money, you can buy your freedom.
Those are the three main advantages to moving while single: you pick where you move to; you pick the house; and you save money. This makes the process of relocating much simpler, easier, and more satisfying.
Three More Advantages
Briefly, here are three more advantages to moving while single:
- You decide when to move, and at what pace. The timing and pace of the move are entirely up to you. You don’t have to coordinate with someone else or take their life responsibilities into account. Want to slow the process down, speed it up, or pause it for a while? It’s up to you. Having control over the timing and pace makes me feel more relaxed about the process, less stressed.
- Once you land in your new digs, the only one whose psychological adjustment you have to worry about is you. You don’t have to fret about whether your wife or girlfriend is liking the new place, adjusting, finding her way around, making new friends, etc. You just have to worry about you (and maybe your dog or cat).
- You decide what to keep and what to toss out. Before every move, you always have to decide what is worth lugging with you, and what needs to go to the dumpster. If you get to decide that yourself, rather than having to check with someone else about everything, then it becomes a lot simpler and easier.
Bottom line — moving as a bachelor is a lot simpler, easier, and more fun. It’s less of a negotiation, more of a choose-your-own adventure.
Very true, I’d never want to be at the mercy of another person’s preferences. It’s good to hear the older man’s story too – makes me happy I’m still a bachelor with freedom to do and say whatever the heck I want. Glad to see you’re still posting regularly!